A Helping Loving Hand

I scared that things aren’t going good with my babysitter. I love him so much but lately I haven’t had the feeling that he feels the same way about me. And I think he is right in not being happy with me…. I’m not even happy with myself.


I wake up in the morning and he makes me breakfast. Then he does the dishes. Meanwhile I’m sitting on the couch watching TV or, in the rare case I’m not procrastinating, I’m  doing homework. The roles are pretty switched. He cooks and cleans. To be fair he cooks because that is what he used to do for a living. But I know the cleaning thing is something I should be helping out with. But every time I clean something he says I do it wrong or that I don’t do it good enough. So theres that! He does just about everything for me and takes such good care of me. I want to do something for him. I want to help out. We live together so I should share in the responsibility.  But I don’t know what.


He is so cold and reserved. He is not the kind of person who will tell you what he is feeling or thinking or wanting or needing. He just stays quiet to himself. I wish he talked to me more. Even if I ask him he won’t tell. I’m sure of it.


I can’t picture myself with anyone else. I’ve never felt for somebody the way I do for him. I really do want to be with him forever. And I have to say this and its going to sound super pathetic but its true. Without him I wouldn’t have anything. I have no friends of my own so the only ones I have are really his friends, I have no home of my own so if we weren’t together I would have to move in with my parents, I don’t know how to cook, I would have to do everything myself so it would probably never get done. I need him and I know I need to grow up and starting doing some things for myself.


I feel obligated to say this too. As I’m writing I see that my babysitter take care of me like a father would. How fitting with our disgusting difference in age.


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