More Updates to my life

I  still love the new job.

Me and the babysitter have been going to the lake a lot since its summer. We have also been just going out a lot like to a bar or a club.

The house is pretty much clean all the time.

I still can’t cook and I’m still a lazy bum. I’ve been gaining weight… I have flipping Celsius now! How the heck did that happen when I’m only like 115 lbs?

I have no money now because the new job doesn’t pay well… its been really hard because I’m somewhat of a shopaholic

As far as frizzy lizzy goes I do shave my legs but lately I haven’t been feeling girly. I need to start doing my hair or something.

School starts again in about a month. I’m nervous because I’ve been out for a while. but I’m only taking two classes. Managerial Accounting and Calculus

I’m going to a community college for business then I’m going to transfer to a university.

Still have no friends really just my family and my boyfriends friends. (sometimes I still say babysitter but I think we are close enough for me to call him my boyfriend. Its been three years already!)


Ok so there are the updates. Looks like I still need to start cooking and working out and make sure I do good in school. Maybe make a friend from class and doing girly things or something


Oh and budget! I need to start budgeting like crazy because I got a huge pay cut but I still want to do everything I do! I’ve heard is a good place but I’m also a little scarred of putting my bank account into that site. I used to go to this blog calls wisebread and get some ideas from there. Look like I got to start that again.


Sketchy Job….

With the new job I have been going to bed at like 10  PM! That super early for me and for my boyfriend who works a grave yard shift.


I just typed boyfriend instead of babysitter… I guess we are at that stage now..


Anyway, other than my sleeping patterns there are some things about the job I’m a little unsure about.  Monday will be the start of my 3rd week so no longer in training and I’ll be all by myself. Within the two weeks I’ve been there three people have quit! One is including the girl who is training me and she says they do have a high turn around rate. Not so happy about that… I’m wondering if the company is so bad that people just leave or if the boss is so bad or… who knows!? All the positions except mine are paid off of commission so I’m thinking it has something to do with that.


I did get yelled at by one of them. And it wasn’t even my fault. The admin position that I got requires that I do payroll and that got messed up and I got yelled at for it. The girl who is training me is sooooooo…. umm… dumb isn’t the right word but she is something like that. Anyway she is the one who talked to our payroll person not me so really I didn’t make any mistake but still got yelled at. Whatever I don’t really care because it’s not a mistake that I made.


Come Monday I really have to see if I can do this job because no one will be there to help me anymore. The other people who work there don’t really know the admin position so I’m alone on this.


I’ve been watching so many YouTube videos just on being a good admin because I really really really want to do good in this position. If anything just to get a better admin position but really just to prove to myself I can do it. I’ve always wanted an office job! When I was little I remember writing out forms on paper and handing them out just because I saw business women doing it. My favorite character on The Rugrats was Angelica’s Mom. She was the only parent that seemed to have an actual job (well I think Susie’s mom was a Doctor but what the heck did everyone else do?).

Anyway I’ll hope Monday I remember everything they tried to train me on!

Visitors will be impressed by my porcelain

My little sister S is coming to town. I somehow convinced my inhospitable babysitter to let her stay here.  He said as long as we aren’t here on the morning when he sleeps. So I have to find us something to do.

I cleaned the house up. More woman stuff! My babysitters toilet is gross. I tried to clean it before and none of the stains around the rim came off. How the heck does crap and pee get suck way under the rim?  Anyway my babysitter said to use pumice stone. It works! Takes forever and makes a horrible sound scrapping against the porcelain but now it’s clean! I don’t have to be disgusted when I use my own bathroom!!!

Lesson to learn: get rid of nasty toilet stains with pumice stone.

A Helping Loving Hand

I scared that things aren’t going good with my babysitter. I love him so much but lately I haven’t had the feeling that he feels the same way about me. And I think he is right in not being happy with me…. I’m not even happy with myself.


I wake up in the morning and he makes me breakfast. Then he does the dishes. Meanwhile I’m sitting on the couch watching TV or, in the rare case I’m not procrastinating, I’m  doing homework. The roles are pretty switched. He cooks and cleans. To be fair he cooks because that is what he used to do for a living. But I know the cleaning thing is something I should be helping out with. But every time I clean something he says I do it wrong or that I don’t do it good enough. So theres that! He does just about everything for me and takes such good care of me. I want to do something for him. I want to help out. We live together so I should share in the responsibility.  But I don’t know what.


He is so cold and reserved. He is not the kind of person who will tell you what he is feeling or thinking or wanting or needing. He just stays quiet to himself. I wish he talked to me more. Even if I ask him he won’t tell. I’m sure of it.


I can’t picture myself with anyone else. I’ve never felt for somebody the way I do for him. I really do want to be with him forever. And I have to say this and its going to sound super pathetic but its true. Without him I wouldn’t have anything. I have no friends of my own so the only ones I have are really his friends, I have no home of my own so if we weren’t together I would have to move in with my parents, I don’t know how to cook, I would have to do everything myself so it would probably never get done. I need him and I know I need to grow up and starting doing some things for myself.


I feel obligated to say this too. As I’m writing I see that my babysitter take care of me like a father would. How fitting with our disgusting difference in age.

Run Away

ugh so this semester I decided to take 3 classes. I already regret it and I’m only 6 weeks in. I’m just sick of being so behind in school. People my age already have a bachelors degrees and careers.

I know…. I always hear it… There are people who go to work full time and take a full class schedule and have kids and there doing it just fine. I hate it when people say that. How do they expect me to respond? “I must be stupid or something” is what I always say then they feel bad about it. But that is honestly the right answer. When I did take a full class schedule (4 classes) while working full time I failed almost everything. That’s why I started only doing one class at a time. Changed my mind this semester and now I want to quit everything and run away!!!

And Like I’ve said many times before; i hate my job. I want to quit so bad!!! I’ve been putting out about 5 resumes out a week and still haven’t heard anything! I’ve gotten the email response saying that I haven’t gotten the job but no call backs or interviews. I feel like its hopeless!!! A customer told me “F**K you” for the first time. They have said the F word on the phone but not directly at me. I don’t understand how people can stay in that job for so long.

And since we started drinking again now that my birthday pasted for some reason my babysitter has been getting drunk a lot. He gets mean when he is drunk and its hard to deal with. Especially if I’m sober! Its like taking care of a little kid I hate it. And the next day he hates it too but he still does it.

And my family has been bugging me a lot especially my sister. Her gallbladder decided it need to come out. She had the surgery and now she needs someone to take care of her because she can’t pick up her baby. Did I ever write about that? Oh yeah well fyi she had a baby anyway. I understand that she had the surgery and needs extra help but its not only after she has surgery that she expects everyone to wait on her hand and foot. She is always having someone do something for her or her kids. I’m sure I sound extremely selfish right now but I don’t care! Everyone has always catered to her and they get made when I don’t go over and visit. I can’t take it at my parents house with all the kids there running around and my sister expecting me to help her.

Seriously I want to run away for a week or something where I don’t have to answer to anyone and I don’t have to be responsible for anything. I’m going insane! What do people do when they feel like this?

Intoxicating Meeting

My real dad was in town for Thanksgiving. I don’t remember if I’ve blogged about him before but if I had I’ll link it here. Anyway my dad drives me crazy and he specifically told me that he never wants to meet my babysitter. Finally I convinced him to meet him but my babysitter didn’t want to do it either. Then magically thanksgiving day they decided to meet each other.

Now this was after dinner so we didn’t eat together. It was also after football so we didn’t watch the game together either. It was just around the time when we would start drinking. Yep my babysitter didn’t come to the house till around 10 o’clock.

They got drunk together.  In all honesty it was great. My dad sober would have probably been rude my dad drunk just kept mumbling and slurring his words, which I’m sure were very insightful. Oh well

I’m glad they met.


Hospitality Does not Live Here

So I go to my parents house on my days off but today I didn’t want to drive across town to her house because I needed to do things in  the house. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with inviting my family over here instead . I told my babysitter a few days ago and he said as long as it was when he was at work. I have no idea why.  To be fair he doesn’t single out my family, in fact only once in the two and a half years I’ve been with him have I seen him have people over.

Anyways my sister ended up coming 2 hours before I expected her. Meaning yes the babysitter was still here and hadn’t started getting ready for work yet. He flipped out. I don’t see what the big deal is. We weren’t naked, we weren’t doing drugs (and we don’t), we weren’t drunk, we weren’t having sex, we were just watching TV. My sister had all her four kids so luckily we live near a park. We walked there and hung out for a while and when we walked back my babysitter already left for work.

I was also pretty embarrassed by the house. Nothing is really wrong with it but my babysitter is so cheap in the weirdest way that he won’t turn on the heater, our air conditioner is still on.  I told my babysitter I was going to start a fire. He was kind of bugged with that. Ugh no idea why! But I told him I wasn’t going to let my family freeze in my house. I lit the fire and they were still freezing… And other little things too like my baby sitter doesn’t have a dinning room in his house and we ate pizza standing up, or that he has no plastic cups for the kids or that for some reason Netflix didn’t work and we couldn’t watch the show that we always watch when we are all together.

My family is very hospitable. They like entertaining and don’t mind if you show up at the last minute or even if you show up uninvited.  I’m used to that lifestyle. My babysitter not so much. Ugh what am I going to do?


Kitchen Bells

The cleaning never ends here and I’m so confused on relationship things. I guess it is because my family is a little old fashion but I feel like…. Why aren’t I married yet? What are we doing?

We live together. We say the L word to each other. I don’t see myself with anyone else. I wish he would just ask me. Well to be honest I don’t want to be married right now but I would like to know that he wants to marry me in the future.

I really want to buy things for the kitchen but… If I do are they mine or his or ours? If we were married it would obviously be ours. And everything is so old and needs to be replaced. He saves the butter tub to use for Tupperware and his pots are so old you can see the metal scrapping off on the bottom (toxic I know!) and none of his dishes or his silverware match.


Dirty deeds

Just a  quick update to living with the babysitter. I thought the living room was bad because he never mopped it but last night I did the kitchen. It’s not as obvious as the laminate floors. They are made to look like hardwood so the black spots on the that wood looked awful. The dirt in the kitchen tile kind of blended in and made it look like it was supposed to be that color. Of course when I started mopping and the water came up black with dirt that I saw the true color. I had to get a scrubber and get on my hands and knees! Some tiles came out a beautiful color but other tiles had the dirt caked in. I have to do it again another day because now it looks weird with some tiles clean and other dirty. I guess I need bleach or… something.

This is weird. I’m not used to doing this. Laundry I’ve always done on my own but sweeping and mopping is something that I’ve rarely done. And on those rare occasions that I did sweep and mop it was never on a floor this dirty. I guess I really don’t have to do all this because its clear that he doesn’t care about it if he’s never done it. But this is my house too now and i don’t want to live in a dirty house. Its like I’m becoming that house wife I wanted to be. Slowly, very slowly because I still don’t know how to cook or what to try next on his dirty tiles.

Lesson to learn: How to sweep and mop

Whores Revenge

It’s no secret that I had plenty of lovers in my life. My babysitter is the only real relationship I’ve had.  To be honest I thought I wouldn’t ever find someone to… want me just for me and like… be a real girlfriend.

I thought I would never find someone to want me just for me and to just be a real girlfriend. I should have acted like a real woman and loved myself for who I really was instead of what I could do for men. I wish someone would have told me that forever ago.

Sometimes my babysitter likes to joke about that. I know that he doesn’t mean to do it hurtful but he does do it and sometimes it hurt me. He will say things like “that’s what you used to do” when he sees something whorish.  Its true but I hate hearing it. When I tell him about it he says that if I know I’m not like that anymore then it shouldn’t bother me. He is right but so am I.


But real whores get their revenge simply by not being a whore and becoming real women. I would say this is a lesson I already learned.


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